SHORT STORY…… An unmarried woman just finding out she is pregnant gets into an unfortunate accident on her way home from the doctor’s office. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma for several months. When she awakens in the hospital, she panics and asks about her baby. Her doctor is called and gives her a mild sedative, then sits down to answer her questions. I’m so happy to see you recovering. he says. The young woman responds, Thank you doctor, but what about my baby? Is everything all right? He replies, Yes, despite your injury, we were able to perform a fairly normal delivery procedure. “In fact, he goes on, you’ve given birth to TWINS – a boy & a girl. The woman is very happy and asks when she can see the babies. The doctor replies, Right away, but we’ve already sent the infants home with your brother. While you were unconscious, your brother took care of everything for you. He even gave the babies names. At this point the woman gets upset, Doc, my brother is an idiot! What name did he give my little girl? The doctor answered that her name was Denise. Oh, Denise, that’s not so bad. what name did he give my little boy? The doctor answered, Denephew.

. .Once upon a time a married couple bore twin sons. They were very poor and could not afford to keep them. They put the twins up for adoption. One of the boys went to a Spanish family and was named Juan. The other twin was placed to an Egyptian family and was named Amal. Some years later, Juan became curious about his birth parents. After researching and finally locating them, he sent them a nice letter and a picture of himself. Upon receiving the picture, the birth mother said “I’m so glad that he’s happy. And what a wonderful picture! I wish we had a picture of Amal. I would love to know what he looks like.” Her husband turned to her and said, “I wouldn’t worry about it, dear, when you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.” The other guy responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!” The first guy says, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?” The other guy answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.” The first guy responds, “Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?” The other guy says, “A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.” The first guy says, “Faith & it’s a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?” The first guy gets really excited, and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?” The other guy answers, “Well, now, I graduated in 1964.” The first guy exclaims, “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self.” About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters…”It’s going to be a long night tonight, the Murphy twins are drunk again.” 

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recuiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So, he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all elgible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near an brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?” The young man looks at him and says, “I pilot!” The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!” The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asks, “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?” The young man says, “I chop wood!” “Son,” the general replies, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?” “I chop wood!” “Young man,” huffs the general, “you are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!” “Well,” the young man says, “you hired my brother!” “Of course we did,” says the general, “he’s a pilot!” The young man rolls his eyes and says, “Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!” 

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the forth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver and had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, “Well your Honor, it was like this. When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, “The Gold Dust Twins are coming,” and I had to smile. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Sloan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling,” and I had to grin. Then she placed herself under a sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did The Trick”, and I could hardly control myself. BUT—when she moved the forth time and sat under a sign that said “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident.” I laughed out loud.” 

Triplets from China: Fu, Bu and Chu emigrated to the USA from China.  They decided to become American citizens, and “Americanize” their  names.

Bu, called himself “Buck.”
Chu called himself “Chuck.”
Fu decided to return to China. 

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls. Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.

“OK,” the judge said, “Tell the court why you want a divorce.”

“Well, your honor,” Dan started, “Every once in a while my sister in law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical looking, every once in a while I`d end up making love to her by mistake.”

“Surely there must be some difference between the two women.” the judge said.

“You`d better believe there is a difference, your honor. That`s why I want the divorce.” he replied. 

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. “But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, Just send me a postcard and write “spaghetti” on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and said “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today  from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.” The doctor said “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you”. Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack.

Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the  wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti-Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.”