The nurse was talking to a hospitalized patient wearing an oxygen mask. “Are my testicles black?” the man asks. The nurse reassures him that everything is fine, but he is adamant “Are my testicles black?” The nurse again reassures him there are no problems, but a third time “are my testicles black??”. Finally she takes a look and tells the man the testicles are fine. The man tears off the oxygen mask, and repeats “Are my test result back?” OOPS

“Doctor doctor, what happened to that man who fell into the circular saw and had the whole left side of his body cut away?”

“He’s all right now.”

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says.

“Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.

“10…” says the doctor.

“10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.

“10…9…8…7…”

A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, “Give me the fingers and I’ll see what I can do.” “But, I don’t have the fingers!” “Why didn’t you bring the fingers?!” asks the incredulous doctor. “Doc, I couldn’t pick them up.”

A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I think I’m going deaf!”

And the doctor says, “Can you describe the symptoms?” 

The man responds, “Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.”