Emma spent the night and eased Anya’s concerns about baby care and breast-feeding. If she thought Anya seemed less than experienced, she voiced no concerns. “Don’t worry. It’ll all come back to you. After you’ve had six or seven, you’ll be nursing one, luggin’ one on your hip, an’ swattin’ one out of trouble without turning a hair. You sure birthed this one easy. You don’t look like you got child-bearin’ hips, but she didn’t give you a bit of trouble. I got a lot wider hips than you, but when I had my Marthy………..” Anya enjoyed the tenor of her friend’s conversation, but was lost in admiration for the tiny baby. Her ears perked up when Emma moved on to a discussion of the baby’s size. “I do believe that’s the smallest, healthy baby I ever seen. My Melvin would’a made two of her, but he was a big ol’ lunker. I swear, this baby could sleep in a shoe box.!”
Joe looked alarmed. “But she’s big enough, ain’t she? I’m a big feller, but my ma never weighed ninety pounds and she could’a whooped a bear.”
“No, Joe. She’s breathin’ fine, her color’s good, and she’s nursing like there ain’t no tomorrow. This baby’s just little, not puny.” Emma laughed at his concerns.
Anya acted huffy. “Now don’t go making my baby out to be too little. Give her time and she’ll set you straight. I ain’t never been big as nothin’ but I can take care of you two if you keep picking on my baby.” She smiled and nuzzled its sweetness.
Emma laughed and Joe looked alarmed. “I ain’t talkin’ against the baby. I just got worried when Emma said she was too little.”
Emma threw a towel at him. “I ain’t never said nothin’ was wrong with being little. I was just saying she’s smaller than them buffaloes I birthed. I think that was right smart of Anya to cook up a little one.” They all got a good laugh out of that. “I do believe I’d keep her away from other folks till she catches up a little so she don’t catch something. What do y’all reckon on naming this big ol’ gal?”
Anya looked to Joe. He thought long before speaking, “Well, if you ain’t opposed, Anya. I’d like to name her after two of the finest women I ever knowed, Rose for my mama and Anya for you.”
Anya looked at him with love. “I’d be right proud to call her that.”
Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?
My favorite visit is also my earliest memory. I went to sleep on the train headed to Grandma’s and was awakened by the sound of the back door closing. Sliding out of bed, I slipped down the back steps. Padding through the dewy grass, I learned about stickers. I shrieked in pain and Grandma rushed back to my rescue, dragging her shovel. Surprised to find I’d followed her, she extracted the stickers from my feet.
I noticed huge yellow road grader parked outside n a ditch at the edge of the yard. Grandma had me stand on the shovel and pulled me over to see it. She even lifted me up so I could climb on it a little. That was the first of many wonderful visits I remember.
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St.Luke’s Nursing Home and the editor of the Cambridge rag, “The Cambridge Distorter,” told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” He said, “WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!” said the other. “Now get a little closer together,” said the cameraman. Again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.” So they wiggled up close to each other. “Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little,” said the photographer. Yet again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS HE’S GONNA FOCUS!”
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, “OH MY GOD – BOTH OF US?”
Way down in dat old swamp known as Louisiana, Bubba’s old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. So, he brought her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Bubba and said, “Hey, Bubba! You just had you a son!” Aint dat grand!!
Bubba got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, “Hold on! We ain’t finished yet!” The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, “Hey, Bubba! You got you a daughter!!!!” She a pretty lil ting, too….
Bubba got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, “Hold on, we still ain’t got done yet!” The doctor then delivered another boy and said, “Bubba, you just had yourself another boy!
When Bubba and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, “Mama, you remember dat night what we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere3-in-1 Oil?”
She said, “Yeah, I do.”
Bubba said, “Man, it’s a damn good ting we didn’t use no WD-40!
Do you know what the Hispanic firefighter named his twin sons? Hosea and Hose B
It’s a New “Survivor” Show 6 men will be dropped on an island with 1 van a set of 4 year old twins and an infant, for 6 weeks The twins each play two sports and either takes music or dance classes. There is no access to fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids, keep his assigned house clean, oversee all homework, complete science projects, cook meals, do laundry, grocery shop, etc. The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them and there is no remote. There are only the basic channels. The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves either while driving or while preparing a healthy breakfast for all three children. They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas. The kids vote them off based on performance. The winner gets to go back to his job.
BLOND JOKE The blond woman had been married about a year when one day the she came running up to her husband jumping for joy. Not knowing how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her. “Why are we so happy?” he asked. “Honey, I have some really great news for you!” She said. “Great” he said, tell me what you’re so happy about.” She stopped jumping and was breathless from all the jumping up and down. “I’m pregnant!” she gasped. The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. He grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, and that he couldn’t be happier. Then she said “Oh, honey there’s more.” “What do you mean more?”, he asked. “Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!” Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. “It was easy” she said, “I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!”
COUNTING THE TWINS A census taker in a rural area went up to a farm-house and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, “Les’ see now, there’s the twins, Sally and Billy, they’re eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they’re sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they’re fourteen– “Hold on!” said the census taker, “Did you get twins every time?” The woman answered, “Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn’t get nothin’!”
BACKWOODS BIRTH Deep in the backwoods, a woman went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. “Whoa there,” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down…I think there’s another one coming.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. “No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern…it seems there’s yet another one in there!” cried the doctor. The father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, “Do you think it’s the light that’s attractin’ ’em?”
A couple desperate to have a baby went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. “Next week I am going to Rome and while I am there I will light a candle for you,” he replied.
Three years later the priest returned to his parish and went to the young couple’s house to visit. He found the wife to be pregnant and busy attending to two sets of twins. The priest felt very elated and asked the girl where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
“He has gone away for a while,” came the harried reply.
“Where has he gone?” asked the priest.
She replied,” To Rome, to blow the damn candle out!”
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
I am clumsy and uncoordinated. I couldn’t dance if my shoes were on fire. I’ve always wished for a lithe, graceful body. It seems like being able to move like a ballerina or a gymnast would be the finest thing. There’s no way I could ever sneak up on anyone. I’ll just have to settle for being grateful most of my parts work like they should, albeit it clumsily.
They got home well before dark. While Joe and Little Joe milked and tended the stock, Anya put Sally in her sling and walked across the meadow down to the creek. The cow and calf grazed near the willows, the calf didn’t have to be kept up to protect the milk, though all it enjoyed was its mother’s company since she’d gone dry. Joe hadn’t bothered to scythe down the weeds since he didn’t have to worry about the coming calf. The stand of Queen Anne’s lace waved its graceful heads, its regal beauty given no hint of its hidden use. Anya had often gathered wildflowers on her walk, bringing back an apron full of Black-Eyed Susans, bright Indian Blanket, and Texas Bluebonnets, loving the way their colors brightened the cabin. She’d never been especially fond of white, but today, filled her apron with the lacy white flowers and nothing else.
Emma had sent home enough chicken and dumplings for another meal. With biscuits from breakfast and Emma’s conserve, it made a festive supper. Little Joe licked his plate and Sally kept squealing and reaching for the conserve, long after she plastered herself with hers. They laughed as they cleaned the little ones up. The children were reluctant to settle in bed after their exciting day and the hilarity at supper. Joe lay on the cot till his little namesake was still while Anya rocked Sally.
He came back to the table and took Anya’s hand. Looking pointedly at the pot of white flowers, he said, “You want to be careful with those. You know they made the cow lose her calf. I don’t want nothin’ happenin’ to you. A baby is just a baby.”
Anya started crying. “Joe, I don’t even know if I want this baby. I was hopin’ things could go on the way they were. You have already taken in your dead wife’s little ones and now this. This baby was forced on me. I don’t know if I can do right by it, let alone love it. I think it might be better if you let me do what I need to do and after, if you want, we can figure somethin’ out. We can make a clean start or I can leave once I am back on my feet if you want. We ain’t married and you done took care of me a long time. You don’t owe me nothin’. You could always look for a woman to come stay and help out till Sally’s bigger. The West is full of women who need somebody to do for an’ a place to stay.”
Joe was a man of few words. “Anya, I know what it is to be alone. I never knew my pa, these younguns don’t know their pa. You done without a ma. The world don’t have to be such a cold place. You’re are a good woman an’ I seen how you love these little fellers. I want you and that little feller you’re a’carrying if that’s the way you see it.” He picked up his hat to go to the barn.
Anya looked from Sally to Joe as a tear dropped on Sally’s blonde head. She reached out, putting a hand on Joe’s shoulder. “Stay, Joe. It’s time Sally started sleepin’ in with Little Joe.”
Tenderly, Joe tucked Sally in on the far side of the cot with Little Joe, then put out the light.
Mother could be very hard to please. I can remember long before I was old enough to start start school, I noticed the cat pooped in the baby bed. Being the helpful industrious type, I decided to be a big girl take care of it myself, of course, I couldn’t take a chance on touching it, so I hurried in the kitchen and got Mother’s cooking tongs. Mother was unfailingly selfish about sharing her kitchen implements, as I’d learned to my sorrow when she found her rolling pin and mixing bowls in the sandpile.
This was different. I was helping!Even though I’d only been able to get my hands on them a few times, I expertly tonged up the poop and dropped it in the commode, returning the handy tongs to the kitchen drawer.
All would have been well, had I not needed praise. I called Mother to see the poop floating in the toilet and told her how I’d helped her.
She hit the ceiling. “You used my kitchen tongs to pick up cat stuff! Where are they?” Proud of myself, I assured her I’d put them back in the drawer where I’d found them.
She was impossible to please. She paddled my fanny and sent me on my way. Life is hard!
I am definitely a morning person. I am usually awake long before dawn looking for light to be peeking from around the curtains. If I am lucky, I can drift off again. I am always napping in my comfy chair by eight-thirty in the evening and in bed by ten pm.
Nutsrok 