memoir

Joke of the Day

Nursing homeBertha was worried about her husband George, so she took him in to the doctor.  Bertha was waiting outside while George was talking to the doctor.  George told the doctor, “There’s no problem.  The Lord takes care of me.  When I go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on and when I’m through, turns it off.”

Knowing now there was a problem, the doctor called Bertha in to tell her what George said.

She replied, “Dammit, George!  How many times have I told you not to piss in the fridge!”

“

[Quiet Thoughts] Grief Again

Reblogged

Time to Come Together

imageLike the rest of America, I am devastated by the hatred incarnate that erupted to take the lives of these nine wonderful people in the church in the historic old Charleston church.  To think a man could spend an hour in prayer with people who’d embraced him, before turning on them, later saying, he almost backed out several times, but knew if he didn’t do this no one else would.  Would to God his heart had been more touched by their goodness and acceptance than the hatred he’d learned.  It’s time we all realized we are one.

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In Memoriam (#Charlestonshooting)

Reblogged from Arms Akimbo

armsakimbobook's avatarArmsaKimbo Blog

Darkness and Light

Obsidian night
stretching into day
light drowned in tears.

Fleeting flashes
bright sparks of hatred
snuffing out souls.

Real people
not abstractions.
Speak their names.

Cynthia Hurd
54 years old.
Beloved librarian.

Innocents communing
in the bosom of “Mother Emanuel”
eagerly studying God’s word.

Susie Jackson
87 years old.
Church trustee and former choir member.

What kind of person sits
steeped in a nuclear winter
waiting to mow people down?

Ethel Lee Lance
70 years old.
Matriarch of her family.

What kind of society
raises its children to execrate
with such extreme exuberance?

Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor
49 years old.
An angelic voice and soul.

What makes a young man
so afraid
of people celebrating God?

The Honorable Rev. Clementa Pinckney
41 years old.
A beacon of hope and life.

What turns fear
into hate
into a shooting spree?

Tywanza Sanders
26 years old.
Took the bullet meant…

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Freedom of Expression

big mouthWe enjoyed considerable freedom of expression  when we were kids, as long as we felt like saying, “Yes, Ma’am. No Ma’am. Yes Sir, How high Sir?  May I be excused?  and God is great, God is good, Pass the beans.  Amen.”

The quickest way to get in trouble was to open my big mouth and ask questions or God Forbid, tell family business.  Telling Family Business assured swift and terrible punishment., like the time I told my Sunday School Class Phyllis was born June 20 and my parents got married June 29.  Mother was furious.  I couldn’t see any problem with that.  Both facts were true.  It mattered not at all to me that Mother wanted all the church ladies to be very clear on the fact that she’d been married nearly a full year before Phyllis came along.  Things like that really mattered back in the 1950’s.  Now folks are impressed if Mama and Daddy just get married.

Knot on Head

imageI used to moonlight at an urgent care clinic.  Mother called me at my regular RN job one day to complain of an earache.  Like I always do when people ask advice, I recommended she see a doctor. She decided to go to the urgent care clinic where I sometimes worked.  I called to speak to my friend, Judy, who was working that day.  I asked her to surprise Mother by telling her she had to have a full internal pelvic exam.  She knew Mother, and was delighted to pull a little trick on her.  Sure enough, she showed Mother to the OB/GYN exam room, telling her to prepare Continue reading →

Joke

Pointing finterTraveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, “Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town.” The old man says, “We’re from Nebraska.” Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, “What did he say, papa?” The old man answers her, “He asked us where we are from.” “Oh,” replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that’s all done, the attendant tells the old man, “You know, the worst piece of ass I ever had was from Nebraska.” The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, “What did he say, papa?” The husband replies, “He thinks he knows you, mama.”

Sunday snickers

Reblog

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Revenge edition

st_peter

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed
monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her
nose into other people’s business.

Several members did not approve of her extra-
curricular activities, but feared her enough to
maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused
George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after
she saw his old pickup parked in front of the
town’s only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told George and several others
that everyone seeing it there would know what he
was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a
moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t
explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his
pickup in front of Mildred’s house… and left it
there all night.
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Comments are always welcome.

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Joke of the Day

genie cartoonJoke- 3 Wishes!

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers she found a little lamp. She picked it up and wiped it off with her apron, when “POOF” out popped Genie.

“I will grant you three wishes” proclaimed the Genie.

The woman thought for a moment and said.

“I wish I was the most beautiful 20 year old woman in the world, I wish I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I wish you would turn my cat into the most handsome prince around.”

The Genie nodded and after a huge cloud of dust cleared, the Genie was gone and so was the lamp.

The woman looked at herself and she was certainly beautiful. She was surrounded with scads of money in Large Bills.

She flung an armful in the air and watched it flutter down around her. She giggled with delight at the mountains of cash.

Then she turned to look where her adoring cat once stood. There in the feline’s place stood a tall, dark, handsome man with chiseled features, a washboard stomach, broad shoulders, and a soccer-players-tush.

She walked over to him, he put his arms around her, brushed his hand upon her cheek, looked deep into her eyes and whispered softly,

“Now, aren’t you sorry that you had me neutered?”
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