She Died

Reblogged this amazing post from Fictional Kevn

My Husband’s Last Words

Reblogged

cherichat's avatarMarriage, Mayhem and Mirth

Floating-House

My darling Hubs is a nerd. There, I said it. His hobbies include star gazing (check out his GIANT telescope…) and weather wonking. In fact, I don’t know if there is really such a thing as a weather woody, but if there is, he gets them. He is actually a CERTIFIED storm spotter, with an assigned number that lets him officially observe, assess and report his weather findings. Before you get too impressed, this just means he took a class and can now call into television stations or (trumpet music) the National Weather Service and report his weather observations, using his secret code number so they know he is official.

What this means unofficially is that as storm clouds roll in and things get dicey outside, while most (intelligent) people scamper indoors, he runs out. You can image the marital conversations this habit elicits.

Yesterday afternoon a storm was brewing…

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Cousin Barbie Gets Married

imageA few years ago Mother got the thrilling news that her cousin Cookie’s daughter was getting married. When Cookie and Mother were young, they were dear friends, but time and circumstances had come between them.   Now the wedding of a distant cousin’s daughter normally doesn’t make a widowed lady in her late seventies jump for joy, but Continue reading →

Afternoon funny

ad4I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.

Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.

Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
I’m going to change my Facebook name to Benefits.

 

Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Facebook is like a fridge. Even when u know there’s nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.
Why is Facebook like Jail? “You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don’t really know!”
Status I didn’t fall down, I attacked the floor.

I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.

 

Breakfast With Barbie

BreakfastMother’s house was bedlam the morning after Daddy died.  Someone made a quick trip to the store for breakfast fixings for Cox’s Army while the rest of us pulled the house back together.  The term “quick trip” was relative, since the nearest grocery store was twenty-two miles away. It was a mess since we’d had to find beds for fourteen the night before, Continue reading →

Ruth Elaine and the Exploding Baby (Part II of II 1930s memoir)

Repost of earlier post few readers saw:

Out of respect for the family, Mr. Kinnebrew dismissed school at noon. Ruth Elaine, normally socially invisible, wandered from the office with her lunch bucket, mystified to find herself Queen of the Playground. The big girls jostled for position around her, shoving lowly first graders to the side, demanding details of the catastrophe. “Did it set him on Continue reading →

Ruth Elaine and the Exploding Baby (Part I of II 1930s Memoir)

I was praying for salvation as the class suffered along with Luther Simpson through a page of Jane and Fluff the Kitten.  The second-graders pretended to work on their sums across the aisle. in our shared classroom in 1935 in East Texas. Little Ruth Elaine Lawson, a girl I’d had always found dull, dropped her head to her desk and snuffled Continue reading →

Joke of the Day

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One fine day, Nate the Snake was slithering through the forest when he came upon a level on a tree. The lever said “IF YOU PULL THIS LEVER, THE WORLD WILL END”. Now, Nate was a curious fellow, but was smart enough to know not to pull the lever. So, he decided to make it his duty to stand by the lever and warn the other animals that came by of the danger, since he knew most of them weren’t as smart.
The day wore on, and animal after animal came and went. Each one wanted to pull the lever, but Nate warned them of the danger.
Soon, the day drew to a close, and Nate began slithering toward his home, when an eighteen wheeler sped by, and upset an area of several large boulders that was very close to the tree.
One broke away, and began speeding toward the tree in such a way that it would hit the lever and end the world if it was not stopped. But no large animal was there to help, and Nate knew what he had to do.
Nate curled himself up into a tight little coil in the boulder’s path, bracing himself. The boulder struck him and killed him, but avoided the lever and the tree, and the world was saved.
This story just goes to show you – Better Nate than lever.

 

“Oh, please excuse me!” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and couldn’t see you there.”
“That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “It was MY fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?”
“Well, I really don’t know,” said the bunny. “Since I’m blind, I’ve never seen myself. Perhaps you could examine me and then we’ll both know?”So the snake felt the bunny all over and said, “Well, you’re soft and cuddly; you have long silky ears, a fluffy little tail and a twitchy little nose… you must be a BUNNY RABBIT!” [The little blind bunny was so pleased at this that he danced with joy.] The bunny said, “I can’t thank you enough. What kind of animal are you, sir?”
The snake said he didn’t know, for the same reason. The bunny agreed to examine him, and when he finished the snake asked, “So, what kind of animal am I?”
The bunny said, “You’re hard, you’re cold, you’re slimy, and you haven’t got any balls – you must be a lawyer.”

 

Impaired Vision
An old snake went to his doctor and told him, “Doc, I think I need something for my eyes. I don’t seem to see very well nowadays.”
The doctor fixed him up with a pair of glasses and told him to return in a couple of weeks for a check up.
When he returned two weeks later, the doctor asked him how his vision was since he had the new glasses.
“Great,” replied the snake. “Only problem is, now I’m very depressed.”
“Why are you depressed?” asked the doctor. “Didn’t the glasses help?”
“Oh, the glasses are great, doc,” replied the snake. “The problem is, when I got home with them, I realized I’ve been sleeping with a garden hose for the past couple of years.

 

 

Ask Auntie Linda

Auntie Linda Dear Auntie Linda,  I have two children thirteen and eleven.  My ex and I have been divorced four years and have shared custody of the children with no problems ever since.   I recently remarried and am pregnant.  My new husband Ron was just offered a great job and wants to move across the country, meaning I would only be able to see my children summers, holidays and an occasional long weekend.  I don’t want to leave the older children, but this is an opportunity of a lifetime for Ron. I worry Ron will blame me if he misses out on this opportunity.  Would it be wrong to ask Ron to pass up this chance?  Torn Mama

Dear Mama, There is no one and only opportunity for anyone.  It won’t ruin a person’s life to pass up an opportunity since they are most often made, not found.  You and Ron can make choices.  The children can’t.  I would never encourage a parent to choose to accept a lesser role in their children’s lives to advance a career.  Yours and Ron’s first responsibility is to the children, all of them.  Ron knew you had children when you married.  You have the rest of your lives to focus on other things.  Auntie Linda

 

Dear Auntie Linda, I am fifty-two, divorced, and have a good job, but my kids are ruining my life.  My thirty-year-old son works, but won’t move out of the house, though I have repeatedly told him he and the three big dogs who have ruined my furniture have to go.  My younger son is twenty-four and has moved his girlfriend and their two children in.  He works, but doesn’t help with the bills, since they need the money for pot. His girlfriend doesn’t take care of the kids are clean up behind them.  My daughter moved away with her boyfriend and left her nine-year-old daughter, Vessie with me.  I don’t want to throw Vessie out, but the rest need to go.  How can I get grown kids out of the house when they just refuse to go?  Flop House Mama

Dear Floppie Mama,  It’s good those kids aren’t paying rent.  Since they aren’t tenants, they have no legal status.  If you are serious about wanting them out, give them a date and tell them you will call the police if they don’t move.