Dear Auntie Linda,  There is no solution for this problem since the die is cast, but I need to vent.  My in-laws have always been very distant and made it clear they don’t care for some of their children or grandchildren.  Before his death, my father-in-law Bob and mother-in-law Louise established a trust for the division of their property.  Louise  encourages her son Bob to disown two of his daughters.  She has told me and Moe she doesn’t want one of our daughters around.  Bob’s wife has been going through Louise’s house for years, accusing the rest of taking valuable antiques.  Believe me, Louise wouldn’t let anybody get away with anything.  We live next door to Louise.  Moe and I take her to church, the grocery store, to the doctor, and everywhere else she goes unless, one of my daughter’s gives us a break.  Moe goes down every morning to cook her breakfast and give her insulin shot.  Last year, when he worked her cattle and sold them for her, she said she’d divide the proceeds between him and one other brother, who didn’t help at all.  It never happened.  Louise is a miserable, divisive person.  She uses us all to her advantage.  She is hinting that everything to my ten-year-grandson, who says he wants to be a farmer, cutting out two children and seven children.  I do hope she makes some effort at fairness, since she has spent her whole manipulating and destroying relationships. Disgusted Daugher-in-Law

Dear Disgusted, Don’t hold your breath.  People are likely to want to hold as much power as long as possible.  She will be able to punish and control as long as her children live depending on how she divides her property.  That is a lot of power.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, I am sixty-four years old. My in-laws have always been a thorn in my side.  I have spent endless days babysitting when my sisters-in-law were sick, had abandoned their families, or just had better things to do. (My husband’s offer, not mine)  His brothers or cousins moved in with us when they fell upon hard times.  My husband often loaned money without consulting me, causing our family to do without.   After my husband died ten years ago, I didn’t bother to keep us with his family, though I have turned down a few requests for loans.  My adult son is obsessed with his father’s memory and family, calling me frequently to update me on their family news and encouraging me to rekindle family relationships, even though he frequently can’t make it to gatherings for our side of the family.  Recently, a sister-in-law invited me to her birthday party, which I attended.  When I told my forty-two year-old-son I was going, he cried, saying he was so happy “the family was getting back together.”  Why on earth would a forty-two-year old man be obsessed with cousins and aunts, while showing little interest in his mother, sisters, and his own children?  Puzzled Mother

Dear Puzzled,  I think you just answered it.  He prefers that side of the family, since he misses his father.  It is likely the conversation focuses on experiences he enjoyed and talk of his father and good times they experienced. It is not likely he was impacted by the impositions you experienced.  Likely, he had a great time if extra kids were in the house.  Auntie Linda