Dear Auntie Linda,  I am a fourteen year-old girl with parents in a miserable relationship.  My father is verbally and emotionally abusive to my mom and us kids.  She can’t stand up to him.  Frankly, even if she tried, he’d out out-shout and out-argue and overwhelm her with cruel remarks about her family, her habits, any old wrongs, imagined or real.  She has no more power in the relationship than the kids do.  I’ve begged her to leave him, but she says she can’t take care of us.  She even said she’d feel guilty knowing He couldn’t take care of himself.  I am not an idiot.  I know it would not help me to run away or rebel against him.  My mother uses self-pity and self-denigration to keep me under her thumb.  “You can’t leave.  I wouldn’t have anybody.  I can’t get a job.  Who would take care of the younger children?  Nobody would hire me anyway.  I don’t have any skills.  I don’t have the clothes to go to work.”  Her wailing and misery goes on and on.

I know I have no choice except to tolerate a miserable situation until I graduate high school.  I am working like a maniac in school so I can get away from this unhappy situation.  Do you have any advice for me.  Caught

Dear Caught,  This is awful, but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and understand the situation thoroughly.  I don’t know that there is any recourse against being hateful or verbally abusive, but should your father become physically abusive, you could contact the police.  As for your mother, you need to shut the conversation down when she starts manipulating you with self-pity.  It won’t help her or you.  I am glad you have a plan.  It sounds like a smart one.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie,  I love my wife dearly.  She is an excellent cook but a  horrible housekeeper.  I love her, but hate having total responsibility for cleaning the house, yard, and doing the laundry. She says it doesn’t bother her living in a mess and refuses to help at all.  How can I get her to do better?  Messy House

Dear Messy, You may not be able to.  If that is your major complaint, maybe you should take over the housework yourself.  Maybe you would feel better if she took over another responsibility that you are handling now.  Perhaps she could do all the cooking, shopping and bill paying, or some other job you can reallocate.  Unfortunately, millions of people are in the situation of getting stuck with all the housework.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am an average-looking and acting forty-five year-old single woman.  I live in the suburbs.  The boy next door is fifteen.  He has taken care of my mowing and yard-work for three years.  Last week, he came over and rang the doorbell.  When I answered he asked if I’d like to have sex.  I was so shocked, I said, “What did you say?”  He asked me again if I’d like to have sex.  I said “NO!” and slammed the door.  In about five minutes he rang the doorbell again.  Never dreaming it would be him again, I answered.  He said, “Please don’t tell my mother.”  What in the world would possess him to do such a thing?  Puzzled but not Impressed.

Dear Puzzled, Sounds like he watched too many porn movies and listened to too many wild stories.  I wouldn’t be too worried about a boy who didn’t want you to tattle to Mama.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, I went to have my teeth cleaned today.  I’ve used the same hygienist for years, but today she wore my ears out.  She’s getting a divorce and thought I needed to know all about it.  I had no interest in her story, especially when she got to their sexual issues and what she expects from a man.  I was a captive with instruments in my mouth.  I finally waved her down and asked her to change the subject when I saw she was going to keep on.  I won’t be shy about telling her I don’t want to hear about her personal life before we start next time, but surely I am not the first person who got a load of garbage.  I encourage all hostage-holding caregivers and service providers to keep their personal business to themselves.  Most of us have enough on our plates already.  Sore Ears

Dear Sore Ears, That is very good advice.  Airing sexual issues can constitute sexual harassment, whether you offend customers or co-workers and is definitely not appropriate in these situations.  Thanks for writing.

Email your problems and questions to lbeth1950@hotmail.com