Dear Auntie Linda, I have not been able to get pregnant in three years.  My husband wants to adopt.  I am worried that I will I will get a baby with problems if I adopt.  I am concerned about the unstable background it might come from. What do you think?  Worried about baby.

Dear Worried, I think either having a baby or adopting is a toss up.  Take a good look at your family and your husband’s.  Every child has lots of options. not limited to traits you may be admiring it yourself or your husband.  We are what we are.  Frankly, if anyone, myself included, was looking at making a decision about having children by looking at the prospective parent’s collective gene pool, they’d probably want to think long and hard about it.  That being said, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out. Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband’s older half-sister, Hazel, has a daughter, Debbie,  who is schizophrenic and drug-addicted.  Debbie has five children placed in foster homes because she can’t care for them.  Hazel and her husband adopted one child, but both are in very poor health and can’t take on any more.  Social Services has just contacted Hazel that Debbie has a ten-month old that needs placement and is due to deliver her eighth child any minute  Debbie has tested positive for heroin and her parental rights have been terminated due to her consistent drug use and failed parenting interventions with the other children.  Hazel is harassing us to adopt the ten-month old and the new baby, because she doesn’t want to lose them to adoption outside the family. Should family not take them, they have a prospective adoptive family waiting for the two of them.  Our children are grown.  We have no desire to start another family.  What do we do?  Don’t want to be Mama

Dear Don’t,.  You certainly should not take on children if you don’t want to be a mother.  Don’t do it.  Let them go to a loving home.   Auntie Linda