Storytelling

Lynn and Lou Part 9 Fear: Lou’s Story of Being Lost

Sheriff Mason left, promising to be back the next morning. It sounded like a threat. “Sit right here.” Lynn’s daddy said. I need to ask you some questions. Lynn go on and do the dishes. This is gonna take a while.” Lynn’s Mother sat nearby, rocking the baby “Now, Lou, you couldn’t possibly have ridden here from Houston today. Do you really believe that or are you hiding something? Look me in the eye. You’re in a lot of trouble and we can’t help you if you aren’t honest” He stared at her fiercely without blinking.

Lou felt sick. How could she be in Louisiana when she was in her normal life in Houston this morning. All she did was take a little ride with Grandma and now this crazy mess. Grandma was gone. She was alone with strangers. The sheriff was probably going to take her to jail in the morning. She wanted to go home! Now! She wanted her mom and her cozy bed. She tried to talk but all she do was cry. The more she thought, the more confused she got. She began to cry harder. It seemed like her life was over. She continued to cry, getting more and more overwhelmed. She’d never felt more lost! No one had ever been more lost. It seemed like the flood gates opened pouring out all her fear and loss. Her sobs got louder and more ragged. Snot poured out of her nose. There were just no words.
Lynn’s mother handed the baby to her husband and said, “That’s enough for tonight. She’s just a little girl, and confused. That’s enough for tonight. Lynn, let’s get Lou ready for bed. She can bunk in with you. Al, you can rock the baby to sleep.”

”But I’ve got to get those goats in the pen! It’s getting late and I’ve got stuff to do.” he protested.

”I’ll be back when I’m through. Take care of the baby. I don’t care about the goats. Come on girls.” She put an arm around Lynn. We’ll figure this out in the morning.”

Lynn and Lou Part 8 Kidnapping and Stormy Nights

Little Connie went to sleep in her high chair, her head drooping on to her high chair tray. Mother wiped her up the best she could. Connie didn’t stir till Mother tried to take the chicken bone she was clutching in her greasy fit. She almost woke as she struggled to hang on to it. Mother gave up and carried Connie to her crib to dress for bed. In a few minutes, she was back. Lynn had lain the baby on a blanket on the floor. For once, she wasn’t crying. Mother sat down and picked up her fork.

“I’m ready for dessert.” Lynn’s daddy said.”You eat. Lynn can get it.”

Mother looked upset. “I didn’t get time to make one. It was a tough day with the babies.”

“Well, you had Lynn here to help. Couldn’t one of y’all have made a cake? My mama or sisters made a cake everyday.” He was interrupted by the dogs barking. “Let me see who that is.” He scooted his chair back and walked outside. Billy followed him, banging the door.

Startled, the baby wailed. “Doggone it. I thought I might get to eat. Lynn, leave my plate covered with a napkin when you clear the table.” Mother picked up the baby to give her a bottle and sat in the rocker. She looked exhausted.

Lynn showed Lou how to scrape the plates into a bucket of scraps. She ran a pan of dishwater and put the dishes on to soak while she cleared and wiped the table. There was nothing left except a couple of pieces of cornbread and a little gravy which went in the scrap bucket. The dos would get these later.

Before they could start the dishes, Lynn’s daddy came back in with a man wearing a badge. He called the girls. “Girls, this is Sheriff Mason. He wants to talk to you.” Daddy looked worried. “This is my daughter Lynn and the friend she met today, Lou.”

“Young ladies.” Sheriff Mason said seriously. “The mailman stopped by my office when he finished his route telling me a strange story. He said a girl showed up here claiming her Grandma had been kidnapped today and maybe killed. Lou, Do you know anything about that?”

Lou started to cry. “No. I don’t say anything about her being kidnapped or killed. I just said she disappeared during the storm. I don’t know what happened. I just want to find her. I want to go home.”

“Sure, you do.” Sheriff Mason said. “Tell me what happened so we can get you home. How did you get way out here. Start at the beginning.”

Lou sniffed and wiped her nose on the handkerchief Daddy handed her. “Grandma and I were out riding when a big storm started. We got under a tree when lightning flashed and jolted us. It was terrible. When I looked for Grandma, she was gone. She just disappeared!” Then Lynn fell out of a tree onto me. That’s all. “

“You didn’t see or hear anything else?”

“No. The lightning flashed and Grandma disappeared.” Lou insisted.

“You know that’s a strange story. You aren’t playing with me are you? I need to ask you a few questions. What’s your name and age?”

“Everybody calls me Lou but my name is Eloise Daly and I’m nine years old.” she answered.

“What’s your address?” Sheriff Mason asked.

“3412 Crawford Road, Houston, Texas. My mother’s phone number is 724-678-5367. She’ll come get me if you call her.” offered Lou.

“If you live in Houston, Texas, you couldn’t have ridden here on a bike.” the sheriff said.

“I wasn’t on a bike. I was on a scooter. Grandma rode a bike but we didn’t get far from home before she got tired and wanted to take a break. I doubt we rode more than ten minutes.” Lou explained.

“Wait a minute. You’re telling me you rode here from Houston in ten minutes? You and an old lady? That makes no sense. Houston is more than two hundred miles away. We are in Bossier Parish , Louisiana.What really happened? Did you run away from home? Did your folks dump you off. Is this a big joke, because if it is, you’re in big trouble starting a story about your Grandma getting kidnapped and maybe killed. This ain’t funny! It ain’t funny at all! I got a mind to haul you in till your grandma turns up.” The sheriff was mad.

Lynn’s daddy spoke up.”Look Sheriff Mason. I just got in. I don’t know any more than you do. Can we let this rest for now? Maybe you can call her mother and find out what’s going on. She’ll be okay here. We’ll look after her till you do some checking”

The sheriff thought about it. “Well, if you want to put up with her, go ahead. I ain’t got nowhere to put her tonight no how.”

To be continued:

Navigating Life with Seniors: Lessons Learned

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imageI wonder if I do a lot of “old person” stuff? It’s probably one of those things your kid would have to tell you. Let me explain. After we went to the grocery store, I took Mother to Gateway to pick up her car. She took her small bag of groceries with her and went in to pay and get her keys while I waited in the lot off to the side, To be sure everything worked out okay. I knew I should have gone in with her. A few minutes later, she pulled behind me, blocking me and two other drivers. As the other drivers honked, Mother left her car in the drive and came over to talk to me.

“They just had to fix the front brakes. The back ones were fine! It only cost one hundred twenty-one dollars.” She was beaming.

“That’s great, but you need to move your car. People are honking!”

“Well they’re just gonna have to wait. I have to get my groceries.” She replied, huffily.

“Mother, you already put your bag in the car.”

“Oh, I forgot. Anyway, I had to tell you everything was okay.”

Annoyed at my nerve, she got in her car, pulled out and cut it too short, running over the curb as she pulled out.

About fifteen minutes after I got home, I got a call, “Could you see if I left my phone in your car. I can’t find it, anywhere.”

She had.

A Glimpse into Historical Language: Dialect Words Explained

When I was a kid I was fascinated by the dialect of those of my grandparent’s generation. I am referring to family members born between 1884 and 1887. Their language was unique and intriguing. Manners were much stricter then and children were forbidden to interrupt. I learned to listen very carefully and inferred meanings from their use in context. Should I not be able to interpret, save the word until I could ask my parents. Language was intoxicating. I’ll share some from my collection below, used in context, the way I learned them.

Airy: “Airy(any)one of them tablecloths will be fine.”

Nairy: “Nairy(neither) one of them is worth the powder it would take to blow them away.”

Na’arn: Ain’t na’arn(none)of them gals acting right.”

Et: “I et(ate) all I could hold.”

Het: “She got mighty het up(angry) when her man run off!”

Heared: I just couldn’t believe it when I heared(heard) it!“

Holp: Holp(help) me with

Holpt: He holpt(helped) us quite a bit.”

Fur piece: It’s a fur piece(quite a distance) over there.”

Tolerable: I’m feeling tolerable.” (not well, but better)

Fitten: That slop ain’t fitten(good enough) for the dogs.”

Thanks for: Thanks for(please pass)the beans.”

Cyarn: That place smells like cyarn.” (Carrion)

Pert’near: He ought to know better than that! He’s pert’near (pretty near) grown!”

Young’uns: They got all them young’uns(children) to feed.”

Chillun: All their chillun(children) eats dirt.”

Farred up: Too late for talking. He’s all farred upready to fight.”

Passel: “Oh, they got a passel(a lot) of hounds under their porch.”

Excellent Blonde Jokes

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nodded, “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, ” Officer, I’m so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!” The officer looks at her, then says, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener.”

A blond to a bartender:
Blonde: A glass of the greatest Less, please.
Bartender: A glass of what? Is it the name of the foreign beer?
Blonde: I don’t know, my doctor advised me to drink Less.

The conversation between two blondes:
Bl. 1: I’ve heard that Christmas will be on Friday this year.
Bl. 2: Well, I hope it’s not on Friday the 13th!

Q: What do you call a blond who dyed her hair brown?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: What is the name of a blonde who has a brain?
A: A golden retriever.

A blond girl was caught by a blonde policewoman for overspeeding while driving a car.
P: Please, show me your driving license, ma’am.
B: What is a driving license?
P: Something that has your face on it.
A blond girl shows the policewoman her mirror and tells her:
B: Here it is!
P: Wow, I didn’t know you were also a policewoman.

Two blond women are going to Disneyland by car. One of them saw the sign “Disneyland Left”. They no longer headed to Disneyland. They just turned the car and went home.

The conversation between two blondes:
Bl. 1: I did a pregnancy test yesterday. The answer was negative.
Bl. 2: Why negative? Were the questions too difficult?

Navigating Life with Seniors: Lessons Learned

image

imageI wonder if I do a lot of “old person” stuff? It’s probably one of those things your kid would have to tell you. Let me explain. After we went to the grocery store, I took Mother to Gateway to pick up her car. She took her small bag of groceries with her and went in to pay and get her keys while I waited in the lot off to the side, To be sure everything worked out okay. I knew I should have gone in with her. A few minutes later, she pulled behind me, blocking me and two other drivers. As the other drivers honked, Mother left her car in the drive and came over to talk to me.

“They just had to fix the front brakes. The back ones were fine! It only cost one hundred twenty-one dollars.” She was beaming.

“That’s great, but you need to move your car. People are honking!”

“Well they’re just gonna have to wait. I have to get my groceries.” She replied, huffily.

“Mother, you already put your bag in the car.”

“Oh, I forgot. Anyway, I had to tell you everything was okay.”

Annoyed at my nerve, she got in her car, pulled out and cut it too short, running over the curb as she pulled out.

About fifteen minutes after I got home, I got a call, “Could you see if I left my phone in your car. I can’t find it, anywhere.”

She had.

Grandson’s Fascination: The Mystery of a Dead Fish

imageWhen my grandson was about two, I went to babysit for a few days while his preschool was on break.  While he was happy enough to have me visit, he wasn’t altogether satisfied with my babysitting services.  I spent a great deal of time trying to find an activity that pleased him in the late afternoons before his mom got home.  They lived Continue reading →

You Poor Baby (Part 2)

vintage baby

part 1      https://atomic-temporary-73629786.wpcomstaging.com/2015/07/11/you-poor-baby/

Furious at finding her washing machine packed to the rim with freshly laundered diapers mixed with freshly- laundered gobs of poop, Mother roused Carol from where she snored on the sofa, oblivious to her miserable, bawling baby. “Carol, come here. Let me show you how to use this washer! You can’t just throw filthy diapers in it without rinsing this stuff out.” Mother got a tub, made Carol scoop the poopy diapers out and clean the washer, then sent Carol out to rinse the dirty diapers under the faucet before bringing them back to the washer. “Be sure you dump that dirty water from the tub behind the chicken house, not in the back yard. You may as well get the rest of this mess soaking.” She pointed to the pile of poopy diapers that had not yet had a ride in her abused washer. Carol looked furiously at Phyllis and me as she stormed off to do this demeaning task, clearly much better delegated to underlings like us.

We did have to tend her poor, miserable baby while she slaved over the diaper rinsing, but that was better than rinsing out poopy diapers ranging from rock-hard lumps to runny diarrhea, depending on the vintage. The stench was horrendous, as evidenced by Carol’s retching. I have no doubt Carol was sick when she came back in. She took to her bed(our sofa) to recover. Clearly accustomed to help with her baby, she was reluctant to leave her repose to wash bottles and prepare formula, preferring to call out for one of of kids to “bring me a bottle!” when he cried. The first time, Mother let the hungry little guy have a bottle, despite the fact it was an expensive, hypoallergenic formula prescribed for her own tiny baby. She quickly pointed the case of milk she’d bought for Carol’s baby, the kind Carol requested. “Oh this will be fine,” Carol said. “He likes it!”

“Carol, you need to fix your own bottles! I bought you what you asked for. This stuff is forty cents a can!” Mother explained.

Carol was clearly offended. She dawdled a bit after he finished his bottle, put him down, and shut herself in the bathroom for a good crying session. Eventually, she came out and made a collect call to her mother, insisting she come, NOW! Mama couldn’t come, NOW! More crying on the phone. We were stuck together till the weekend. Carol had no problems leaving his bottles lying about to sour after baby was satisfied. Should he cry out when a sour bottle sat handy, she had no qualms about trying to get him to take it.

The next three days lasted an eternity. At my parent’s insistence, Carol did end up giving her baby good care while they waited for Mama, but she turned him over to Mama as soon as she arrived. His bottom had healed, he’d plumped up, and even played a bit with good care. Poor little guy didn’t get much of a pass. He was soon back home to be joined by a brother and sister in rapid succession.

Alas, Carol’s marriage fell apart, but before long she found another man and launched into her addiction to having babies she had no interest or ability to care for, eventually delivering eleven sad children. At a family reunion once, I heard someone ask how long she was going to keep having babies. She replied, “As long as God wants me to.” It was heartbreaking to see her children suffer from her neglect and ignorance.

Lou and Lynn Part 4 A Magical Rescue: Lou’s Adventure Continues

Lynn’s mother met her at the back door bouncing a crying baby on her shoulder. “I saw the barn doors open, so I knew….well, who is this?”

“Mother, this is Lou. She and her
Grandma were out riding and got caught in the storm. Is her grandma here?”

“No. Nobody’s here but me and the babies. I need you to rock the little baby while I start supper. Please don’t make noise and wake the big baby or we’ll have double trouble.” Lynn took the baby and plunked down in the rocking chair, looking disgusted. Sure enough the baby wailed till Lynn got the bottle in her mouth.

Lou looked down like she was going to cry. Lynn’s mother gave her a hug. “Oh Honey, Don’t cry. Grandma might have walked down the road looking for you. As soon as I get supper on, I’ll rock the baby and y’all can walk up to the neighbors and see if she’s there. Miss Betsy is probably taking real good care of her. She’s a nice lady.”

“Lou sniffled, “But Grandma’s gonna be worried. My parents are probably wondering where we are by now! We’ve been gone a long time.”

“I know Grandma’s looking for you, too. We’ll get y’all back together. It’s real quiet out here. Nobody would hurt you.” Lynn’s mother smiled reassuringly. “Go rest on the sofa while Lynn gets the baby to sleep.”

Lou sat on the sofa and dozed off to the creaking of the rocker. She wasn’t deep into sleep when she heard Grandma humming, “You are My Sunshine” like she’d done ever since Lou was born. She kissed Lou on the forehead and said “Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite”

“Oh Grandma. I must have had a bad dream. I thought we out riding and got caught in a storm. I couldn’t find you! I was scared!”

“It’s okay, Sweetie. You know I’d never leave you. It wasn’t a dream. You got jolted back in time by that lightning. Let me give you a clue so you’ll know what I’m telling you is true. Before dark today, you’ll see a turtle with a big yellow X on its back. Be brave. I am coming for you, but it might be a while.”

Lou was startled awake by Lynn tapping her shoulder and giving her the quiet sign. “The baby’s asleep. Mother said we could walk up to Miss Betsy’s to see if your grandma’s there.”

They tiptoed out the door, then down the long gravel road. Lou felt so much better thinking about her dream. “Maybe we’ll find Grandma.”

“Sure we will!” Lynn answered, skipping and singing in a falsetto voice. “You are my Sunshine” as loud as she could. Lou laughed and joined in.

To be continued: