Storytelling

Lou and Lynn Part 12 Escalating Tensions: Family Vs. Sheriff in a Small Town

As soon they finished breakfast, the menfolks headed outdoors. The dogs kicked up a ruckus. The sheriff was back.

Al invited him in. Everyone gathered in the living room, anxious to hear what he had to say. He addressed the adults. “None of this gal’s story checks out.” He said “gal” like it was something nasty on his shoe. “ I need to ask her a few questions. I called the Houston Police Department to ask about a missing kid and old lady. There ain’t no record of Eloise Daly or her grandmother reported missing. Besides that, there is no 3412 Crawford Road in Houston. Crawford Road numbers stop at 242. After that it runs out to the country. There’s nothin’ but cows out there. That phone number you gave me ain’t no good. How come I can’t find out about nothin’ you told me?”

Lynn’s daddy looked hard at her. The sheriff shifted in his chair, looking at her hard. “Now I’m gonna ask again an’ I don’t want anymore of your lyin’. “What’s your name and birthdate?”

Lou was scared now. “My name is Eloise Daly. I was born July 2, 2015. I just had my ninth birthday a couple of weeks ago. I live at 3412 Crawford Road, Houston, Texas, just like I told you.” She waited.

The sheriff’s face flushed. He stood up. I guess you think you real smart don’t you? You know as well as I do it’s 1964, You know what I think? I think your grandma put you out here so you could you could open the door for her. Y’all are plannin’ on robbin’ folks. There’s been some break ins last week. Don’t be lying no more about Houston or being born in 2015. You might be crazy, but I ain’t. I’m takin’ you in till your grandma shows up: Then I’ll deal with her. Come on.”

“Now hold on a minute.” said Lynn’s daddy. “This kid may be telling crazy stories but you can’t take a kid to jail for that. She ain’t hurt nothing. She ain’t no bigger than my girl. You can’t put a kid in jail.” he said.

“You’re steppin’ over the line here,” said the sheriff. Do you really want to get arrested over this lyin’ kid?”

Aunt Kat interrupted. “He’s right, Al. You don’t want to go to jail over this. Lou, come with me. We’ll get your stuff.” Lou looked like she’d been slapped but she followed Aunt Kat, to the back of the house still holding the baby.

Aunt Kat got two belts from her husband’s closet. She looped them together and fastened one around herself and the infant, and the other around Lou. They could only move together. She stuffed a few diapers in the diaper bag. “Now don’t you say a word. You’re not going anywhere. Come on.” They walked in lockstep back to the living room.

“Sheriff, you know me. I’m a decent woman and a church member. I can’t let you take this child off by herself. It’s not right. Me and the baby have to go with her. I’m the only one that can feed the baby. You can lock us all up together. She doesn’t cry too much. Al, you and Lynn can manage somehow with Connie. She’s on the bottle.” Al panicked. He’d never been responsible for the house or baby.

“No! Sheriff. You can’t take my wife and baby. She’s never done a wrong thing in her life. Kathy, you can’t go off! You’ve got a family to take care of.” Al was determined not to let her go. Little Connie clung to her mother’s leg screaming. Right on cue, she soiled her diaper.

“Al, I’m not letting a nine-year-old girl go off alone with the sheriff. You’ll just have to manage.” She responded. Al thought she’d lost her mind.

“Sheriff, This family can’t manage without her. If you’ll leave the girl here I’ll take responsibility for her. If her grandma shows up, I’ll get you word. You know I am a man of my word. I’ve never been in any trouble.” Al held out his hand.

The sheriff actually looked relieved. He’d opened a can of worms. He held out his hand to shake. “I expect to hear from you if her grandma shows up.

To be continued:

ER DIAGNOSES

In my many years working as an acute dialysis nurse, on the evenings I was on call, the last thing I did before packing it in for the day was look to see if any of my patients who were frequently admitted were were being seen in the Emergency Room. If they were, I checked their diagnosis to see if I was likely to be called back to do an emergency treatment. I’d much rather tend to problems sooner than layer. I never learned to enjoy being awakened at two am for care I could have completed before midnight.

The first employee a patient saw upon entering the ER was usually a clerk with no medical training. They asked the patient what the problem was and typed it directly in. Should the patient be in distress, a nurse was summoned immediately. Some diagnoses in the computer raised more questions than they answered.

  1. Zipped britches on weiner(hurts to think about that)
  2. Spinning and vomiting.(that one sounds like a real mess)

3. Fried worms in ear(Grandma used folk cure)

4. Lightbulb, sausage,flashlight up rectum(not uncommon)

5. Paper cut(wanted work excuse)

6. Request viagra prescription

7. Baby threw up once after eating squash(fine now. Eating chips)

8. Found 2 ticks on pants(hadn’t attached, mom wanted child checked)

9. Nausea(patient had vomiting phobia)

10. Mosquito bite(no rash, allergic reaction)

Thankfully ERs are there for people who need them but everything is not an emergency!

Lynn and Lou Part 9 Fear: Lou’s Story of Being Lost

Sheriff Mason left, promising to be back the next morning. It sounded like a threat. “Sit right here.” Lynn’s daddy said. I need to ask you some questions. Lynn go on and do the dishes. This is gonna take a while.” Lynn’s Mother sat nearby, rocking the baby “Now, Lou, you couldn’t possibly have ridden here from Houston today. Do you really believe that or are you hiding something? Look me in the eye. You’re in a lot of trouble and we can’t help you if you aren’t honest” He stared at her fiercely without blinking.

Lou felt sick. How could she be in Louisiana when she was in her normal life in Houston this morning. All she did was take a little ride with Grandma and now this crazy mess. Grandma was gone. She was alone with strangers. The sheriff was probably going to take her to jail in the morning. She wanted to go home! Now! She wanted her mom and her cozy bed. She tried to talk but all she do was cry. The more she thought, the more confused she got. She began to cry harder. It seemed like her life was over. She continued to cry, getting more and more overwhelmed. She’d never felt more lost! No one had ever been more lost. It seemed like the flood gates opened pouring out all her fear and loss. Her sobs got louder and more ragged. Snot poured out of her nose. There were just no words.
Lynn’s mother handed the baby to her husband and said, “That’s enough for tonight. She’s just a little girl, and confused. That’s enough for tonight. Lynn, let’s get Lou ready for bed. She can bunk in with you. Al, you can rock the baby to sleep.”

”But I’ve got to get those goats in the pen! It’s getting late and I’ve got stuff to do.” he protested.

”I’ll be back when I’m through. Take care of the baby. I don’t care about the goats. Come on girls.” She put an arm around Lynn. We’ll figure this out in the morning.”

Lynn and Lou Part 8 Kidnapping and Stormy Nights

Little Connie went to sleep in her high chair, her head drooping on to her high chair tray. Mother wiped her up the best she could. Connie didn’t stir till Mother tried to take the chicken bone she was clutching in her greasy fit. She almost woke as she struggled to hang on to it. Mother gave up and carried Connie to her crib to dress for bed. In a few minutes, she was back. Lynn had lain the baby on a blanket on the floor. For once, she wasn’t crying. Mother sat down and picked up her fork.

“I’m ready for dessert.” Lynn’s daddy said.”You eat. Lynn can get it.”

Mother looked upset. “I didn’t get time to make one. It was a tough day with the babies.”

“Well, you had Lynn here to help. Couldn’t one of y’all have made a cake? My mama or sisters made a cake everyday.” He was interrupted by the dogs barking. “Let me see who that is.” He scooted his chair back and walked outside. Billy followed him, banging the door.

Startled, the baby wailed. “Doggone it. I thought I might get to eat. Lynn, leave my plate covered with a napkin when you clear the table.” Mother picked up the baby to give her a bottle and sat in the rocker. She looked exhausted.

Lynn showed Lou how to scrape the plates into a bucket of scraps. She ran a pan of dishwater and put the dishes on to soak while she cleared and wiped the table. There was nothing left except a couple of pieces of cornbread and a little gravy which went in the scrap bucket. The dos would get these later.

Before they could start the dishes, Lynn’s daddy came back in with a man wearing a badge. He called the girls. “Girls, this is Sheriff Mason. He wants to talk to you.” Daddy looked worried. “This is my daughter Lynn and the friend she met today, Lou.”

“Young ladies.” Sheriff Mason said seriously. “The mailman stopped by my office when he finished his route telling me a strange story. He said a girl showed up here claiming her Grandma had been kidnapped today and maybe killed. Lou, Do you know anything about that?”

Lou started to cry. “No. I don’t say anything about her being kidnapped or killed. I just said she disappeared during the storm. I don’t know what happened. I just want to find her. I want to go home.”

“Sure, you do.” Sheriff Mason said. “Tell me what happened so we can get you home. How did you get way out here. Start at the beginning.”

Lou sniffed and wiped her nose on the handkerchief Daddy handed her. “Grandma and I were out riding when a big storm started. We got under a tree when lightning flashed and jolted us. It was terrible. When I looked for Grandma, she was gone. She just disappeared!” Then Lynn fell out of a tree onto me. That’s all. “

“You didn’t see or hear anything else?”

“No. The lightning flashed and Grandma disappeared.” Lou insisted.

“You know that’s a strange story. You aren’t playing with me are you? I need to ask you a few questions. What’s your name and age?”

“Everybody calls me Lou but my name is Eloise Daly and I’m nine years old.” she answered.

“What’s your address?” Sheriff Mason asked.

“3412 Crawford Road, Houston, Texas. My mother’s phone number is 724-678-5367. She’ll come get me if you call her.” offered Lou.

“If you live in Houston, Texas, you couldn’t have ridden here on a bike.” the sheriff said.

“I wasn’t on a bike. I was on a scooter. Grandma rode a bike but we didn’t get far from home before she got tired and wanted to take a break. I doubt we rode more than ten minutes.” Lou explained.

“Wait a minute. You’re telling me you rode here from Houston in ten minutes? You and an old lady? That makes no sense. Houston is more than two hundred miles away. We are in Bossier Parish , Louisiana.What really happened? Did you run away from home? Did your folks dump you off. Is this a big joke, because if it is, you’re in big trouble starting a story about your Grandma getting kidnapped and maybe killed. This ain’t funny! It ain’t funny at all! I got a mind to haul you in till your grandma turns up.” The sheriff was mad.

Lynn’s daddy spoke up.”Look Sheriff Mason. I just got in. I don’t know any more than you do. Can we let this rest for now? Maybe you can call her mother and find out what’s going on. She’ll be okay here. We’ll look after her till you do some checking”

The sheriff thought about it. “Well, if you want to put up with her, go ahead. I ain’t got nowhere to put her tonight no how.”

To be continued:

Navigating Life with Seniors: Lessons Learned

image

imageI wonder if I do a lot of “old person” stuff? It’s probably one of those things your kid would have to tell you. Let me explain. After we went to the grocery store, I took Mother to Gateway to pick up her car. She took her small bag of groceries with her and went in to pay and get her keys while I waited in the lot off to the side, To be sure everything worked out okay. I knew I should have gone in with her. A few minutes later, she pulled behind me, blocking me and two other drivers. As the other drivers honked, Mother left her car in the drive and came over to talk to me.

“They just had to fix the front brakes. The back ones were fine! It only cost one hundred twenty-one dollars.” She was beaming.

“That’s great, but you need to move your car. People are honking!”

“Well they’re just gonna have to wait. I have to get my groceries.” She replied, huffily.

“Mother, you already put your bag in the car.”

“Oh, I forgot. Anyway, I had to tell you everything was okay.”

Annoyed at my nerve, she got in her car, pulled out and cut it too short, running over the curb as she pulled out.

About fifteen minutes after I got home, I got a call, “Could you see if I left my phone in your car. I can’t find it, anywhere.”

She had.

A Glimpse into Historical Language: Dialect Words Explained

When I was a kid I was fascinated by the dialect of those of my grandparent’s generation. I am referring to family members born between 1884 and 1887. Their language was unique and intriguing. Manners were much stricter then and children were forbidden to interrupt. I learned to listen very carefully and inferred meanings from their use in context. Should I not be able to interpret, save the word until I could ask my parents. Language was intoxicating. I’ll share some from my collection below, used in context, the way I learned them.

Airy: “Airy(any)one of them tablecloths will be fine.”

Nairy: “Nairy(neither) one of them is worth the powder it would take to blow them away.”

Na’arn: Ain’t na’arn(none)of them gals acting right.”

Et: “I et(ate) all I could hold.”

Het: “She got mighty het up(angry) when her man run off!”

Heared: I just couldn’t believe it when I heared(heard) it!“

Holp: Holp(help) me with

Holpt: He holpt(helped) us quite a bit.”

Fur piece: It’s a fur piece(quite a distance) over there.”

Tolerable: I’m feeling tolerable.” (not well, but better)

Fitten: That slop ain’t fitten(good enough) for the dogs.”

Thanks for: Thanks for(please pass)the beans.”

Cyarn: That place smells like cyarn.” (Carrion)

Pert’near: He ought to know better than that! He’s pert’near (pretty near) grown!”

Young’uns: They got all them young’uns(children) to feed.”

Chillun: All their chillun(children) eats dirt.”

Farred up: Too late for talking. He’s all farred upready to fight.”

Passel: “Oh, they got a passel(a lot) of hounds under their porch.”

Excellent Blonde Jokes

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nodded, “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, ” Officer, I’m so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!” The officer looks at her, then says, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener.”

A blond to a bartender:
Blonde: A glass of the greatest Less, please.
Bartender: A glass of what? Is it the name of the foreign beer?
Blonde: I don’t know, my doctor advised me to drink Less.

The conversation between two blondes:
Bl. 1: I’ve heard that Christmas will be on Friday this year.
Bl. 2: Well, I hope it’s not on Friday the 13th!

Q: What do you call a blond who dyed her hair brown?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: What is the name of a blonde who has a brain?
A: A golden retriever.

A blond girl was caught by a blonde policewoman for overspeeding while driving a car.
P: Please, show me your driving license, ma’am.
B: What is a driving license?
P: Something that has your face on it.
A blond girl shows the policewoman her mirror and tells her:
B: Here it is!
P: Wow, I didn’t know you were also a policewoman.

Two blond women are going to Disneyland by car. One of them saw the sign “Disneyland Left”. They no longer headed to Disneyland. They just turned the car and went home.

The conversation between two blondes:
Bl. 1: I did a pregnancy test yesterday. The answer was negative.
Bl. 2: Why negative? Were the questions too difficult?

Navigating Life with Seniors: Lessons Learned

image

imageI wonder if I do a lot of “old person” stuff? It’s probably one of those things your kid would have to tell you. Let me explain. After we went to the grocery store, I took Mother to Gateway to pick up her car. She took her small bag of groceries with her and went in to pay and get her keys while I waited in the lot off to the side, To be sure everything worked out okay. I knew I should have gone in with her. A few minutes later, she pulled behind me, blocking me and two other drivers. As the other drivers honked, Mother left her car in the drive and came over to talk to me.

“They just had to fix the front brakes. The back ones were fine! It only cost one hundred twenty-one dollars.” She was beaming.

“That’s great, but you need to move your car. People are honking!”

“Well they’re just gonna have to wait. I have to get my groceries.” She replied, huffily.

“Mother, you already put your bag in the car.”

“Oh, I forgot. Anyway, I had to tell you everything was okay.”

Annoyed at my nerve, she got in her car, pulled out and cut it too short, running over the curb as she pulled out.

About fifteen minutes after I got home, I got a call, “Could you see if I left my phone in your car. I can’t find it, anywhere.”

She had.

Grandson’s Fascination: The Mystery of a Dead Fish

imageWhen my grandson was about two, I went to babysit for a few days while his preschool was on break.  While he was happy enough to have me visit, he wasn’t altogether satisfied with my babysitting services.  I spent a great deal of time trying to find an activity that pleased him in the late afternoons before his mom got home.  They lived Continue reading →