There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in 
St.Luke’s Nursing Home and the editor of the Cambridge rag, “The Cambridge 
Distorter,” told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies. 
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. 

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” He said, “WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!” said the other. “Now get a little closer
together,” said the cameraman. Again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.” So they wiggled up
close to each other. “Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little,” said the photographer. Yet again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“HE SAYS HE’S GONNA FOCUS!” 

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, “OH MY GOD – BOTH OF US?” 

Way down in dat old swamp known as Louisiana, Bubba’s old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. So, he brought her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Bubba and said, “Hey, Bubba! You just had you a son!” Aint dat grand!!

Bubba got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, “Hold on! We ain’t finished yet!” The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, “Hey, Bubba! You got you a daughter!!!!” She a pretty lil ting, too….

Bubba got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, “Hold on, we still ain’t got done yet!” The doctor then delivered another boy and said, “Bubba, you just had yourself another boy!

When Bubba and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, “Mama, you remember dat night what we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere3-in-1 Oil?”

She said, “Yeah, I do.”

Bubba said, “Man, it’s a damn good ting we didn’t use no WD-40!

Do you know what the Hispanic firefighter named his twin sons?
Hosea and Hose B

It’s a New “Survivor” Show
6 men will be dropped on an island with 1 van a set of 4 year old twins and an infant, for 6 weeks The twins each play two sports and either takes music or dance classes. There is no access to fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids, keep his assigned house clean, oversee all homework, complete science projects, cook meals, do laundry, grocery shop, etc. The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them and there is no remote. There are only the basic channels. The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves either while driving or while preparing a healthy breakfast for all three children. They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas. The kids vote them off based on performance. The winner gets to go back to his job.

BLOND JOKE
The blond woman had been married about a year when one day the she came running up to her husband jumping for joy. Not knowing how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her. “Why are we so happy?” he asked. “Honey, I have some really great news for you!” She said. “Great” he said, tell me what you’re so happy about.” She stopped jumping and was breathless from all the jumping up and down. “I’m pregnant!” she gasped. The husband was  ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. He grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, and that he couldn’t be happier. Then she said “Oh, honey there’s more.” “What do you mean more?”, he asked. “Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!” Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew. “It was easy” she said, “I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!”

COUNTING THE TWINS
A census taker in a rural area went up to a farm-house and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, “Les’ see now, there’s the twins, Sally and Billy, they’re eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they’re sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they’re fourteen– “Hold on!” said the census taker, “Did you get twins every time?” The woman answered, “Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn’t get nothin’!”

BACKWOODS BIRTH
Deep in the backwoods, a woman went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. “Whoa there,” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down…I think there’s another one coming.”     Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. “No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern…it seems there’s yet another one in there!” cried the doctor. The father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, “Do you think it’s the light that’s attractin’ ’em?”

A couple desperate to have a baby went to their priest and asked him to pray for them.
“Next week I am going to Rome and while I am there I will light a candle for you,” he replied.

Three years later the priest returned to his parish and went to the young couple’s house to visit. He found the wife to be pregnant and busy attending to two sets of twins. The priest felt very elated and asked the girl where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.

“He has gone away for a while,” came the harried reply.

“Where has he gone?” asked the priest.

She replied,” To Rome, to blow the damn candle out!”